Goodbye To Yesterday
by TheFreakZone
Summary: Lovino didn't want to wake him up. Antonio wonders why he didn't. One-shot; song-fic.


_AN: I don't know how this happened. I've been listening to the song for a while now, but only today I decided to pay attention to the lyrics and I thought they fit Spamano. And then, suddenly, I was playing the song on repeat while I wrote this. It's short and sad; apologies. I hope you like it! Also, take into account that I started to write it when it was well past the time when normal people go to bed, and that English is not my first language, so there may be typos and/or funny sentences._

 _Disclaimers:  
Hetalia — Hidezak Himaruya  
Goodbye To Yesterday __— Elina Born & Stig Rästa_

* * *

 **GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY**

 **Lovino**

I woke up at six a.m. My eyes remained closed — I didn't dare to open them and look at the dark room, at you and me in our king-size bed, back facing back. My mind, however, was very well aware of the situation we were in; I had to force myself to keep breathing in a deep-sleep pace to not wake you up.

Slowly, silently, I slid out of the bed and got dressed so quietly. I kept gazing at you, lying calmly on the bed, blissfully unaware of what was going on. I thought it was better that way.

My keys rattled when I picked them and I froze by the door, afraid that the noise may have awaken you. It hadn't. I sighed and opened the door, ready to step out of the house — out of your life. The dog trotted to my side, probably thinking we were going out for a walk. I smiled at him as I got outside and closed the door very silently.

I didn't want to wake you up. I don't think I would've been brave enough to leave, had you been in front of me, staring at me with those green eyes of yours. Were you ever aware of how much power you had over me with just your gaze? It was your eyes what had drawn me to you when we first met. So bright, so full of life; they showed determination and hid vulnerability. Were you ever aware of how much I loved you? Deeply, desperately.

But it was never going to be enough. You deserved someone better than me. You deserved someone who wouldn't yell at you, insult you, even if you found it _cute_ and _adorable_. You belonged with someone as shiny as you, not someone as dark as me.

So I took my things and got out of the way, hoping you would understand and knowing you wouldn't.

 **Antonio**

Why didn't you wake me up?

That's all I could think when I awoke alone in our bed, when I realized you were nowhere to be seen, when I noticed your clothes were no longer in the wardrobe.

I knew why you had left. At least I thought I knew. And yet, I would have told you to stop, to stay, stay with me, don't leave me. Didn't you know how much I needed you by my side? I'd been with many, but no one quite like you. You were the one who finally gave meaning to all those love songs; the one who held my heart in his hands and made it impossible for me to live without him. So why would you make me go through that?

I didn't understand. You were gone, and I didn't understand why. How did you reach the conclusion that it was the best for the both of us? Why would you think that? Yes, we fought a lot: we argued, we had our quarrels. It was impossible not to, with that temper of yours. Didn't I ever tell you how much I loved your fiery nature? We fought; so what? We were the perfect match; you and I, us.

We were great as _us_.

I hated that we were back to _you and I_.

I wished that night had never happened. Our relationship wasn't perfect, no, it had its many flaws; but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I wouldn't want it any other way. Maybe I should have told you; I should have let you know every single day how much I loved you, how much every single part of me belonged to you. If I had, would you still have left?

Would I still be laying alone, naked, staring at the phone, waiting for a call I didn't expect to get?

 **Lovino**

I didn't want to wake you up.

Will you ever understand? Will you ever be able to forgive me, forget me, move on? I wish you will. You deserve all the happiness in the world; you deserve someone with a smile as bright as yours. So I got out of the way, for you. Because I loved you so much I couldn't bear the thought of keeping your happiness out of reach. Oh, how I wanted to be selfish! How I wanted to have you all for myself! But I couldn't.

I wasn't going to let your light get consumed by my darkness.

I loved you so much it hurt, yet it wasn't enough.

That's why I had to leave.

 **Antonio**

Why didn't you wake me up?

I'm pretty sure I would have told you to stop. Would you have stopped? I kept playing scenarios in my head; I kept imagining what would have happened, had you woken me up.

I would have told you to stop. I would have taken you in my arms, held you tight, asked you — _begged_ you to stay.

We could have talked about you and I, about _us_. We could have figured out what went wrong, we could have tried to fix it.

Is it too late now?

Can we ever try and say goodbye to yesterday?


End file.
